A Small Act of Kindness
Musings—Aug 02, 2010
It started out simply enough—a small act of kindness that I could extend to someone I cared about. I didn’t know it would turn into something that would change me in ways that I am still coming to know.
This someone was a family friend, and a friend of my mom’s for over 50 years. She was terminally ill and I had gone to visit her. On this particular day she was trying to locate a scrap of paper that contained important information she had scribbled on it. She was rooting through a drawer unit in her dining room.
I wanted to be of some assistance, even in just a small way, so I offered to help her look. After picking through a drawer containing a myriad of things (papers, pharmacy receipts, pens, medications, small notebooks, medical appointment cards, packages of gum and candy bars, etc.) we were able to finally locate the missing, and much needed, scrap of paper.
Prior to this moment I didn’t know how I might be of help as she became sicker and sicker with each passing week. A strongly independent woman, she was used to doing things for herself. I didn’t want to interfere, but I realized that even if I was able to organize just this one drawer I would be able to help her in a tangible way and reduce one element of stress from her life (the stress of not being able to find important things she didn’t want to lose track of). This drawer was important to her, she thought it was a safe way to contain items, it was centrally located, and she liked using it.
We talked about general things for a few minutes before I asked the question—”Would it be helpful to you if that drawer was sorted and organized a bit more? I would be happy to do that for you. I want to be of help, but don’t know how I can be.”
Her response went something like this—She told me that it would be nice if she could find things, but no, she didn’t want to impose on me since I have a busy life. She told me that surely to goodness I didn’t have time to fuss with that drawer. (I’m sure you know how a fiercely independent woman will not want to be any kind of a burden on anyone…even when she might like and could use the help that is being freely offered from others).
I told her I had no where else I’d rather be, and nothing else that I would rather be doing than helping her with that drawer. “After all”, I said “this will give me something to do while you have a nice visit with mom”. And with that, she granted permission.
In a very short period of time the drawer was sorted and more than once she said to me—‘oh, I didn’t know that was there’ or ‘oh, that’s where that was’ or ‘oh, that is so old we’ll just get rid of it’. Before I left that afternoon we had her many prescriptions contained safely in a plastic bin, candy bars and gum were in their own little basket, pens were put in a tray, and more importantly, the notes on old scraps of papers were all recorded in the notebook, address labels that were ripped from envelopes were entered into her address book, and receipts were organized for submission to her medical plan for repayment.
She felt good about what was accomplished and I found other ways I could help her—over the following days we went through her papers and got everything in order. She felt good doing this while her health enabled her to, and she was relieved to find the important documents that were misplaced which she knew her children would need once she died. And we enjoyed our time together immensely.
Over the coming weeks her health deteriorated and in August 2008 she died.
It is almost two years since she passed. I think of her often, especially when I am working with those who are ill, those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, and those who know the importance of finding those important papers that families will need after a death.
It bugged her that I wouldn’t accept payment for my help (that’s what happens when you get two fiercely independent women together!). After all she was a long time friend to my family and since I don’t charge my mother I wasn’t going to charge her either.
She will never know it, but I did get payment. A few weeks after the funeral her daughter thanked me for organizing the files. And through the cloud of grieve that hung over her, she told me she was able to easily find everything and she wouldn’t have been able to do that had it not been for my help during those warm summer day sessions I had with her mom.
It still warms my heart to think of her…and it always will.
